Here, in Michigan, in the United States, the snow is slowly reaching the ground, dancing as it falls. Melodies of a piano and whispers of a conversation with old friends linger in the background, and my soul steadies to a rest. No, not a pause of reflection or a good deep breath in but a total and complete hug of the present moments happening around me. It is not the sweet atmosphere, or the aroma of dinner simmering in the air, it is the company of safe people. Of people who work earnestly to communicate in their marriage, who desire to see potential reached to its fullest and who place their phone aside to look you in the eye and really hear you. These people have freedom to speak plainly and lovingly into my life, into my downfalls and strengths, into my hurts and victories. They have established a place in my world few have, and for those reasons, in this moment, I am at total rest.
However, you see, relationship like that, relationship like Jesus had with his twelve best friends does not develop overnight. It does not begin with asking philosophical questions or probing in business very near to a person’s heart; it begins with listening. It begins with understanding, with learning and with showing up. Jesus called these men by name then commenced their relationship with daily life. With mornings by the sea, with shared meals and prolonged walks, with discussions late into the evening. Three years of true depth and true trust came after/during those moments – not before. It is clear trust was not simply assumed, it was developed and built upon.
I know these things well because I have been the perpetrator of ‘bad’ relationship; I have committed the crime of saying, “Because we both openly express mutual affection for Jesus, I have full reign to ask whatever I wish, when and how I wish to,” and have done just that. I have looked someone square in the face, upon moments of meeting them, and asked about their relationship with their father. Or, better yet, I have assumed something about them based on overheard conversation, appearance or the company they are surrounded with and investigated character qualities I was never meant to. It is embarrassing, unfair and maybe, humorous, at best. On the other hand, I have been the direct recipient of such behaviour. It has left me feeling attacked, misunderstood and with little to no desire of establishing a greater friendship with said person, despite obviously being well-intentioned.
Jesus built his life on love. On genuine, steadfast love. On love that accepts a person immediately, and makes every effort to understand. On love that communicates: I will sacrifice on your behalf, I will show up when you ask and I will intercede for you when you do not. This love leads with relationship. It leads with empathy and truth. And it is not offended when the expression of one’s faith looks differently than yours. It is not boastful of its own accomplishments. It does not pry, scratch or poke for sacred information about a person. It is humble and unwavering, like the ocean tide that always comes.
You will be surprised at how – after daily life routine, after meals shared together and road trips taken together, after the showing up and the dialoguing – easy whole relationship can be. We must be careful, though, not to complain when this process is taking place. True, long-lasting relationship is a process. Enjoy it, do not rush it and be quick to thank/appreciate any person who shares what they do not have to because they are stepping out in faith towards trust. And are hoping to find rest in the company of safe people, just like I have, here in Michigan.